The Noise Stopped
The day I found out I had cancer, is the day the noise stopped, I call the noise-mind talk.
It is a noise we become accustomed to. So accustomed to that we don’t notice how loud the noise is until it’s gone.
You can call it your thoughts, pre plans of your day, or life; it is the noise of mind talk.
When I heard I had cancer all the mind talk stopped.
I started to hear things that I had forgotten. Significant and wonderful sounds that I had stopped listening to. Sounds I was missing, but were always there.
I heard the small crunching sounds of a vehicle’s tires as they moved across the ground.
I heard my two year old’s breath as he sat playing on the floor.
I even heard the traffic light click from red to green one day when I was stopped at a traffic light.
I heard the pause of the second hand on the analog clock, just before the click.
These sounds are always there, but our mind talk overtakes the moment. Significant sounds within a moment of time. When we do not hear the entire moment, we essentially lose sight of being in that moment.
There is a saying, “silence is golden.” I believe our silence is often stolen, filled with the mind talk of our self-doubt, dutiful activities and judgements that render our minds full. Like the packing peanuts or the air filled pouches that come in your amazon order. Our thoughts fill our mind, but really are just stuffing, and air and are not the main prize. They cover the moment.
How can we hear our destiny if we are surrounded by noise?
The mind talk can act like the packing peanuts and the air filled sacs. Surrounding the moment, making it difficult for us to be present, fully present in the moment. I believe Silence is the gateway to the Divine, the path to God.
When the mind talk is quiet:
You hear the pauses in people’s speech
You hear the sigh in a child’s breath
You hear the silence that allows life to be spoken
Could it be that the sound of our voices are man-made, and that silence is God given?
If you get the chance, stand outside in the early morning after a fresh snow fall. Observe the morning sun as it shines across the snow and your own breath demonstrates its strength as it reaches out into the air like a large cloud of hope. Feel the deep cold, it’s freezing maybe it’s around -20 Celsius, which is the best. Notice the silence. Standing there, listen to the trees crack, hear the breath of earth, it’s there in the experience of a deep freeze with freshly fallen snow morning that the spaces between the words can be felt. This experience has been the closest experience I have found, to describe what the absence of mind talk feels like.
Ever since I got cancer I feel that type of silence all the time. A divine gift.
Isolation and Mind Talk
Some people struggle in isolation and I believe it’s the mind talk taking over. It’s hard to let the Divine come in. I am not sure why that is. Could it be control or denial? I am not sure. One thing I do know is that when I was told I had cancer, the walls fell down and the Divine came in and the mind talk stopped.
When you get rid of the mind talk you become aware. You become aware of silence and how really loud silence can be, it’s profound. When we begin to understand, we become more compassionate to others and a beacon to others because we can hear the Divine truth and our experiences and those experiences become authentic.
Understanding of the soul, which I believe is represented by the silent spaces between our words, is coming to the understanding of knowing the difference between drops of water and rain drops. It gives purpose to what is happening. The spaces between our words have as much meaning as the words themselves.
On December 14th, 2010 I underwent cancer surgery for bilateral radical mastectomies. Since then the month of December has become a reflective month. Ten years later, 2020 has become a challenging year for many. Ironically today, December 14th, I came across this journal entry that I had written ten years ago. I wanted to share it, this moment, with all of you. I hope you enjoyed it.