It’s an old saying, “Ours is not to question why, ours is to do and die.”
Written by a patriot, Alfred Lord Tennyson, fighting battles that are never done.
So if I am not to wonder why, nor ask a question, just to do and die.
Then what exactly am I to do, when questions come as they often do?
Am I to accept and turn away, pretend it has become a different day?
But what if the question hurts so bad, like the worst, terrible pain I’ve ever had?
Imagine how the ocean would feel if it all dried up, or all the snow melted on the mountain top.
Well the ocean would feel like it wasn’t an ocean anymore, and the mountain would be a plain old bore
Kind of like how I feel when I don’t know why, it’s just like one big long sigh
I hold my hands to the sky, and all that seems to happen is my eyes just cry.
I wonder about asking why as I drink some gin, why do things happen? that is my question.
Are there signs on the road that I am missing along the way? Signs that could help me find, let’s say
A perfect life partner that is always there, or a healthy long life, no cancer with no real cares
See I am not asking for Christmas presents, or worldly wealth. I am asking for life’s little meanings of stuff.
But when things go all awry and I can’t go on, I am not allowed to ask why, I am just supposed to hold on
But holding on isn’t working, it’s just tiring me out, I just feel like am hanging here, all I can do is shout
Why? Why? Why? Why… Why can’t someone give the answers, like why do we even try?
If you can’t have love without pain and, you can’t feel a loss without a gain?
Does it make sense that I am going insane, I just want to stop all the flipping pain?
Like the tide coming into shore, you see how far the water can reach, then it is no more.
Can you really understand healthy, until you are sick upon the floor?
Can you really grasp death, until you are not present anymore?
If you cannot feel the opposite without feeling the parallel, what does that say about heaven and hell?
Are the answers in heaven, and the questions in hell? So until we die no answers, well isn’t that swell.
I have to understand because I am living now, and what’s the point of living with a furrowed brow.
I want to just live and have things come what may, not affecting my heart in such an awful way.
I wish a heart was never given, I wish not to feel, because then I would have no questions, no words for prayer, I would just kneel.
But without a heart I couldn’t be thankful or glad, without a heart what feelings could I have?
So again I ask the question why I can’t ask why, it seems a simple question yet no answer till I die.
As a child we ask why and our caregivers say good, good to ask questions, good that we could.
Good for asking why because you learn and understand, but as adults the little tiny word is banned.
The understand stops and fears begin, as the hurt happens and it’s all chagrin.
Feeling like there is no one listening anymore, your words left abandoned on the floor.
Questions left unanswered, things misunderstood, any possible answers, covered with a hood.
So I will ask again although it feels awry why, oh why, Can’t I question why?
Alfred Lord Tennyson a patriotic response, to encourage at battle, to focus all at once.
To accept what is not understood, to not question the source beneath the hood
To appreciate the battle, to put your soul into the saddle
Charge on, charge forth, this is about your character’s worth
It’s not about comparing what happens to the sum, it’s about what happens to number one.
You take the opportunities learn and grow, move forward with your life for soon you will know
That all of this is about you, your actions, your choices and decisions, create values, character your own personal mission.
Character is not build with wood and nails, if it was, surely it would crumble and fail
From experience is how it’s built, the challenges and our reactions to it
Keep on asking the questions as you battle on, just know that answers don’t verse, like in a song
The answers live within, your heart, your mind your actions, it is how the answers are seen, through your many interactions.
The answer to the why is looking at you now, look in the mirror, now slowly take your bow
Things they happen for you, to build you strong from within, a very painful experience so painful it should be a sin
You are the answer the answer to your why, keep battling on, keep giving it your try
The world is about you and all of us within it, experience it as best you can, soon you will see the fit.
Keep asking, keep trying, keep battling on, because we need to keep questioning, questioning the wrong
So suit up, prepare for today’s battle, sit tall and straight upon your saddle
I hear my character will grow today, some fear and stress have come my way.
If I am not to wonder why, nor to ask a question, just to do and die.
Then what exactly am I to do, when questions come from both me and you?
Battle on, be strong we are all in this together, our life experiences are no different, no different than the weather.
Sun and rain, moon and clouds, good and bad it all surrounds.
Together we need to stand, to honour and to collaborate, realizing each of us have our battles and each of us are great.
I found this written up on a piece a paper, tucked away in an old writing book. I had written this during the time of my chemotherapy treatment, a time when I was flooded with the waves of why. I can honestly say, i reflect on the verse often, everyday I get up, i do not ask Why and instead I work on asking…..Why not? Try it, sometimes it helps when you are struggling. Our own personal strength and character can be amazing, if we believe it is. Keep looking for the Gems……they are out there.